Sorry my family office crashed the Nasdaq.

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We here at Joshua M. Brown Family Office + Capital Management are extraordinarily apologetic at this time. In no way did we think the highly reasonable 20:1 leverage ratio on our concentrated technology bets would impact others. As an ESG-centric investment organization, daily engaged in all manner of online virtue signaling (please see our Medium post from International Womens Day), we want to make it clear that your perception of our widely advertised commitment to values is of paramount importance to us.

We are working hard to unwind these positions in an environmentally responsible way. Credit Suisse and Morgan Stanley have agreed to process these trades on green servers running on renewable energy from a tree sanctuary in northwest Vermont. The carbon footprint of our margin calls has been ranked among the smallest in the industry according to a joint study by SIFMA and the Sierra Club that we commissioned and paid for. A portion of the proceeds from this trading activity will go toward benefiting indigenous white floor traders from Staten Island.

On behalf of everyone at our tax avoidance structure family office, we want to thank you all for your patience and understanding at this time. We appreciate your willingness to tolerate 50% drawdowns in blue chip stocks and market-wide non sequitur volatility as we right-size the family’s portfolio holdings for a more caring and equality-ish future.

Printed on sustainably farmed fair-trade papyrus by blind manatees

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